April 24, 2015

7 Quick Takes - Vol. 116 (Hazardous lunch, tuna humor, Slinky strangulation and more)

ONE: My eight-year-old may have a budding future as an accident investigator. My wife and kids witnessed a car accident the other day involving a speeding car that skidded across the road, knocked over a light poll and then left the scene. My daughter drew these sketches to help explain what happened:


TWO: Her third grade class had a fun lunch project. Each kid wrote down their favorite lunch items on little cards and then they picked the cards at random. The children had to secretly bring in the desired lunch for the person on the card. The teacher encouraged parents to pack the lunch in something clever. So my wife and I stuffed the lunch for my daughter's classmate in a hazardous waste disposal bag. And we put the kid's drink inside a sharps disposal box.


THREE: At the annual fundraiser dinner for the school, we bid on and won a fun prize in the silent auction. It was a bag full of miscellaneous toys and games that supposedly became popular in the 1950s. One of the toys was a Slinky. Until I saw the warning label, I never knew it was dangerous to play with a Slinky in the car. I suppose if the car hits a big bump the Slinky could fly out of your child's hands and strangle the driver.


FOUR: Some kids are downright hilarious. My wife and I served on the Parish Advisory Team for a seminarian who did his pastoral year at our parish. The last meeting of the team was an appreciation party. One little boy at the party had some hilarious conversations with the seminarian.

They were talking about fishing, and the boy said, "I went on a fishing trip and was hoping to catch a tuna. But all I caught was a stomach ache."

Another discussion went like this:

Boy: I want to be a saint and go to heaven.

Seminarian: That's the goal.

Boy: Yeah, it's like soccer!

FIVE: It's embarrassing to admit but last week I had a dream that I was having trouble typing a text message while using one of those old side-wheel Blackberry smartphones like this one.

My (former) employer gave me one of these back in 2006. The Blackberry is probably still trying to reboot at the bottom of a scrap heap somewhere.

SIX: Speaking of technology that will become obsolete, I haven't paid much attention to all the Statcast hoopla that Major League Baseball has been overhyping lately. But when I saw this picture on Twitter, it reminded me of the late 90s when Fox started using a fluorescent puck effect while showing NHL hockey games. I know firsthand how much viewers hated it. At the time I was working for the FOX station in Detroit, and we used to get complaint calls all the time saying, "Turn of that @&$*%^! flashing puck!"

Image credit: MLB.com via Twitter


SEVEN: One missing word can make a hilarious difference in a photo caption. Check out this one from the Atlanta newspaper. I have a feeling that's not really Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell!

[The original caption says, "Atlanta Braves pitching coach Roger McDowell smiles as Keyarra Mason (foreground), 16, finds her prom dress...]

EPILOGUE: For more Quick Takes, visit This Ain't The Lyceum.



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